Episode 10: College Flashbacks and Peak Portland Sports | Cheerful Tortoise and Cheerful Bullpen (Dec. 29, 2018)

The Tortoise and the Bull(pen)...two downtown Portland staples frequented by many, though likely still not properly appreciated. Now linked by their common Cheerful parent, these two establishments possess vast and district histories all their own, including sizable chapters featuring our own Nathan P. Gale.

It was a dark depressing downpour classic winter evening in Portland when we boarded a Max and brought History by the Glass downtown for the first time for a double-header at Portland State's oldest surviving and best known college bar and an underrated pillar of Providence Park's (née Civic Stadium) sporting legacy.

Four to five hours later we returned to our humble podcast studio for an admirably researched, yet beer-soaked ramble into the recent and distant pasts of the Cheerful Tortoise and Cheerful Bullpen.

For brief stretches, we almost seem to know what we're talking about. There's a sliver of a glimmer of professionalism or even competence. But then we also manage to steam ahead on many many trains of thought that either chug-a-lug right off a cliff or vanish into a giggly, expletive laden fog of hops and barley.

And that's the beauty and curse of this grand experiment. We record ourselves for the world to hear immediately after marinating in our own juices for the better part of an evening, all for the entertainment/confusion of our listening audience. We'll all figure it out together as we go...enjoy!

HBTG podcast green room

Cheerful Tortoise | Downtown Portland | South Park Blocks

Established: 1961 (at least) though the building dates back to 1890 by some reports...either way, it's been a college hangout since the Fightin' Vacuum Repairmen of Vanport Extension Center moved to the Park Blocks and became Portland State College (and later University) Vikings.

The Cheerful Tortoise in a small town called Portland back in 1964.

First Drinks: Ebenzer Ale, Bridgeport Brewing Co. (Nate) and an ill-advised, hot out of the gates boilermaker of Buffalo Trace and PBR (Alfredo)

Interesting Food: Tune into the 33 minute mark of the podcast to hear Nate lose consciousness while describing a "fine" tavern burger...he may literally die mid-pod if he eats and talks about one that's well above average.

Come for the incoherent old bar chatter, STAY for the unbelievably nuanced burger recaps from NPG! 

Men's Room: 2 out of 5 urinal pucks
Wonderful collage of old regulars and friends of the bar gives it a full puck bonus. Otherwise, simply a place to go to avoid soiling yourself. 

Any old bar worth its salt must have one of these hand-cut collages hanging somewhere saluting the drinkers of yore. 

WPRI (Would Pintarich Recognize It) Rating: 65-70% chance
In his recap from both '96 and '07, he can see the writing on the wall as far with the Tortoise needing to adapt or die. While he would likely be quite shocked by many new features, including the very recent implementation of WINDOWS, we don't think he'd be all that surprised.

Musings: Of course we have a whole podcast dedicated to this now, so we encourage you to listen to THAT instead of reading THIS...but all-in-all, the Cheerful Tortoise is who we thought they were and, truth be told, who it needs to be as it continuous to serve and stay relevant to each generation of college drinkers.

Cheerful Bullpen | Downtown Portland | Providence Park area

Established: 1948 as the Bullpen Tavern, but hearkens back to the 1930s as a place called "The Happy Hare," taking its name from the dog races that would occur at "Multnomah Civic Stadium" nextdoor. 

First Drinks: Miller Lite (Nate) and a Lagunitas IPA (Fredo, continuing to inexplicably go hard)...but we find our sweet spot in our second round with a couple of Labatt Blues that thrills the bartender

Interesting Food: WINGS! Nate minored in Wing Studies as a student at PSU, but, as we heard from our bartender, the famous, super cheap wing night at the Bullpen was discontinued when the bar began to realize that it was a lot of work for not much money in return. 

NPG swinging steins/wings with local celebs in 2012 (photo taken underwater)

Men's Room: 4/5 urinal pucks

A real beauty. Bizarrely compelling slatted doors that look like some sort of 1970s suburban home linen closet or a South Florida condo door. Enter into a chalkboard infused interior, hose-down floor drain, and a terribly invasive, minimal privacy shitter with nothing but a pair of rickety saloon type doors to keep the poor seated sap from full exposure. REMEMBER KIDS...this highly subjective rating is based on how memorable a bathroom is, not how comfortable it is...many times, bathrooms are memorable specifically because of how terrible they might be to be caught in during a state of emergency. 

WPRI Rating: 80% chance

Despite his very dispassionate write-up of the venerable Bullpen in 2007, our man Paul would certainly have recognized most of the exterior and interior. He'd be mildly confused by the sheer number of scarves of this former baseball now soccer bar, but perhaps the fact that the Bullpen is an official bar for fans of the downtrodden (for the better part of two decades) Buffalo Bills  franchise (whose stadium is 2,638 miles from Portland) would be most mind boggling to him as it is to all of us...especially those with a lifelong personal vendetta against anything related to the Buffalo Bills. 

Musings: A place that we thought may be a total throwaway visit based on Pintarich's uninspired 2007 visit, turned out to be a joy to research and a warm, good-natured visit in person. While Claudia's is better known as a classic Portland sports bar, the Bullpen has been at the front door step for some of the city's best, or at least most interesting sporting moments. If nothing else, consider 1975 in Stumptown, when Civic Stadium is home to the infamously independent Portland Mavericks baseball team, the Portland Timbers of the North American Soccer League, and the Portland Thunder/Storm of the World Football League. Oh and in '77, the Mavericks just miss winning the Pacific Coast League pennant, a few blocks away, the Portland Trailblazers did something interesting, AND this Brazilian dude plays his final competitive game in Civic Stadium. What a time to be alive and puttin' 'em back at the Bullpen Tavern. May it be a noble sidecar to many more moments down the road. 

And we leave you with a scattershot of photos from episode 10...Happy New Year!! 

Scraping off the old ski lodge shingles from the interior...apparently not a turn on for today's college crowd. 

Strange new development I'm told are called "windows" at the Tortoise

Providence Park under construction many years removed from it's days as Civic Stadium

Chamber of Commerce night in downtown Portland

Don't forget about the Bullpen patio...it's GREAT!